Advice to My First Born

September 26th, 2020

To My Love,

I am thinking of advice I want to give you dear son, before you enter this world, before my thoughts of you mold and grow. 

There are so many things I want to say, so much wisdom I hope to bestow. I know it will all unfold over the course of your life, so for now, I will leave it at two things. First: “be true to yourself.”  Second: “if you can be anything in this world, be kind.” I know these both teeter on the cliche, but I believe deeply in their message. Also, you will soon learn (if you haven’t already) that I’m a sap for emotions.  

Be true to yourself my son. Be weird, be wild, be free. Dance in the middle of the street. Sing when the urge overcomes you, even if it’s off key. Wear bright colors. Bend gender norms. Love who and whatever you wish unconditionally. The world and social media will tempt you. They will try to convince you that you have to fit into a particular mold. That you have to look a certain way, behave a certain way, think in a certain way. The reality is my love, you can be whoever you want to be. Don’t be a sheep. Don’t be what others want you to be. There may be times when this feels really hard, when others may not understand or appreciate you. Do not let the naysayers get you down. I want you to know: it gets better. Be you, always. 

Alongside this sense of individuality comes my second piece of advice: kindness. Being true to yourself should never compromise your humanity. Lead with compassion, always. The world needs more love. The reality is, our country is struggling right now. We are surrounded by so much cruelty, divisiveness, anger, and fear of what is different. Sadly, I don’t see this all going away anytime soon. Optimistically, the future generation (that’s you!) is our best hope in bringing about real change. Speak up against bigotry, xenophobia, and racism. Call others in instead of calling them out. Respond with attentiveness and curiosity. Speak up when you believe something is wrong. Elevate voices of the underrepresented. Be appreciative of what others do for you. Believe in the good. 

I decided to ask your Momo what advice she wants to give you. She says: “Do your best, be polite, be on time. I don’t know. I’ll just tell him in the moment.” You will learn my dear, that your Momo is one of few words, while your Mama can be rather loquacious (but eloquently so, she hopes.) Even so, when she does speak her mind, she does so beautifully. 

My advice- as well as your Momo’s- will likely be shared with you in many forms as you age. I will try not to be preachy or trite, but rather be your guide. I hope to be someone you can come to. I hope I can lead by example.  I hope I do a good job in helping you grow. In the end, I just simply hope you become a good person. I love you.