Deciding On a Name

For some, choosing a name for your baby may feel overwhelming. For others, perhaps effortless. Whatever the journey, hopefully the process brings joy. That joy came on gradually for me. For both my pregnancies, it took awhile for reality to take shape. The little seed inside me did not need a name while he was still cooking, did he? Luckily my spouse is a planner. While choosing a name in the moment, or as soon as baby enters the world, may work for some, this indecisive mama would have had a mental breakdown at the hospital if a name hadn’t already been decided. Deciding on a name before birth may not work for everyone, but for us, it was a welcome part of our journey. 

My spouse has always loved the name Sebastian Maurice. For more than a decade, she had gravitated towards the name and the beauty of its sound. Her father’s middle name was Maurice. Her name is Maurica. In her unassuming, humble way, she likes that Sebastian is partly named after her, that he carries a piece of her with him. She loves that Maurice isn’t a commonly used boys name. She always thought Sebastian would fit perfectly with Maurice.  She loves the sound of it and that it’s a nice strong name. 

I, however, took some convincing. As a teacher, I have always been very in tune with children’s names and the weight they carry. I believe that longer names are more difficult for children to learn to say and write. I have always been inclined towards mono or disyllabic names. Growing up with a long, multisyllabic name, I used to hate it. I always went by my nickname Liz and never identified with Elizabeth. To me, Elizabeth is just my birth name, but Liz is who I am. With the name Sebastian, I also worried about potentially unappealing nicknames. The name Sebass could be a nickname for Sebastian, and all I heard in my head was children mocking him yelling “Seabass! You’re a fish!” While I saw how dramatic these worries were, I couldn’t help but want to set my son up for success. I wasn’t sure Sebastian was the right name. However, eventually, as she often does in her lovable way, Maurica wore me down. The name Sebastian Maurice began to grow on me. The names I had previously liked for a boy were no longer viable. I had always liked the name Theo. But, one year, I had a- how to put it nicely- very difficult student- who ruined the name for me. Also, I met so many other Theos that the name lost its appeal. 

When I became pregnant with our first son in January 2020, I still hadn’t settled on a name. We called the little life inside me Bean. Our little Bean was growing and growing. Slowly, amidst all the chaos of life, I began to think more and more about Sebastian. I told Maurica I was interested in it, but couldn’t commit. (Classic Liz.)  I don’t know when exactly Maurica won me over, but I do remember the look on her face the first time I called Bean Sebastian. The way she lit up- that’s when I knew it was right. 

When it came to naming our second son, Maurica told me that I would hold the cards. It was an incredibly kind gesture which of course then stressed me out. I love to hold the power and then immediately sweat under the weight of it. I wish I could tell a magical tale of picking out the name Ollie, but the truth is, I’m not entirely sure how it came about. I remember swiping through baby names on some app and making a list of names that spoke to me. I know I wanted short, monosyllabic names that could be gender-neutral. I couldn’t tell you what other names were on the list, but I can say that Ollie came out the winner. The more times I spoke it, the better it sounded. Of course there were concerns. “Will people think it’s short for Oliver?” (It’s not.) “Do you know that Ollie rhymes with Molly?” (The cat.) In the end, none of that was important. We liked it, that’s all that mattered. 

When choosing a middle name for Ollie, I honestly didn’t give it much thought. Maurica had known with Sebastian what she had wanted his middle name to be, but with Ollie, I hadn’t gotten past the first name. One day, some months before our due date, Maurica made a suggestion. “What about Christopher, after your father?” I immediately loved it, and then felt immensely guilty that I hadn’t thought of it myself. Sebastian had after all gotten his name from his late grandfather, why hadn’t I thought of my dad? Our family has a long history of using family names for middle names. My middle name came from my great grandmother. I think I was trying so hard to follow that path, that I didn’t even consider a family name that could actually mean something. My father isn’t one to express much emotion, but when we told him what Ollie’s middle name was going to be, his surprise and joy was palpable. Ollie Christopher. It was the right name once it became real.

For our family and our relationship, compromising over our children’s names worked. That quintessential name existed for Maurica, but it didn’t for me. Neither of my children’s names brought instant fireworks. But through the journey, the joy now radiates. My two beautiful sons are perfect simply in their existence. Their names are only part of the adventure ahead.